bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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