I just cut my nipple shaving
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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