God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
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Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
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On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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