My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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