I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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