Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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