I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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