Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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