Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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