I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You are the jesus of drinking
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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