I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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