My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
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The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
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The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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