Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize