Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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