look no pants
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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