He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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