I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my phone needs a breathalizer
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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