Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize