I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
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She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
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I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize