im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
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LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Pants are for mortals
Who died my cat blue again?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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