Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize