did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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