I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize