If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I met the friendliest cop last night
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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