oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
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I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
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After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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