I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
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I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
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I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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