I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
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I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
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I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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