Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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