you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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