HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
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And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
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You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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