I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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