Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
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It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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