the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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