I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize