It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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