You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
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No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
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THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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