We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize