No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
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My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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