I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize