Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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