drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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