She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
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