Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize