I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
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As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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