I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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