Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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