Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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