Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize