Define "chronic" masturbator.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize