Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize