I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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